You don't want to read this!

You are now breathing manually.

You're now aware of the fact that your clothes are touching your skin and you can feel it.

You're now aware that every time you swallow, you can hear a little crackle in your ears.

You're now aware that your nose is constantly in your peripheral vision.

You're now aware of the fact that your tongue is unable to find a comfortable place in your mouth.

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Jonzyctionary

ATTRACTION... the act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT... what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

DATING... the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

BIRTH CONTROL... avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.

EASY... the term used  to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT... a method utilized by one person to indicate that they are interested in another person. Despite being adviced to do so, many men have difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND... A person in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE... a woman's feeling toward a man, which is interpreted by the man to be 'playing hard to get'.

INTERESTING... a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

IRRITATING HABIT... what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

LAW OF RELATIVITY... how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportional to how unattractive your date is.

NYMPHOMANIAC... a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.

SOBER... condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

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Inhuman. Simply.

I was recently watching the news and what I saw had to be one of the saddest news bit I've ever seen. 

What I saw made me question the very fibre of integrity in humanity. 

I'm too emotional right now to even talk about it. So here's the video of a 2-year-old Chinese kid who was ran over, TWICE, with people walking past her like she was a body of air. Really, what does this tell us about humanity and where we're heading?

Hope in humanity lost.

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Dedication to Special Person 2

Yeah, this post is dedicated to one Special Person 2 (I being Special Person 1. right, I'm vain like that but sweet nonetheless, so I love to think O_o)

Hope they'll like it.

If I could have just one wish,

I would wish to wake up everyday,

to the sound of your breath on my neck,

the warmth of your lips (and teeth, sadly) on my cheek,

the touch of your fingers on my skin,

and the feel of your heart beating with mine...

Knowing that I could never find that feeling

with anyone other than you.

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Cheap is expensive!

So I decided to buy a YU line for their beckoning cheap data prices.

Awesome!

That's what I thought. 

Terrible idea that was.

The thing is effing     s..........l..........o...........w............! What!? anyway, lesson learnt. Cheap is expensive. I had bought 300 Mb.

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Nudity = Serenity

I am not a nudist.

Yet.

I know, somewhere deeply hidden (or maybe not much) at the back of my mind is the exponentially growing idea that nudity is part of the whole package in which serenity in entirety comes.

This thought was surfaced by the events of this past weekend. I, with some friends, went camping to Naivasha. This was my first ever camping thingy and it was so awesome, it left everyone with an I-wanna-do-it-again feeling. Only next time, we’ll be more prepared. Pillows are one of the great privileges we have but never really think of outside bed, until we go camping to Naivasha and have to sleep on make-shift pillows from clothes (and shoes).

So, that the nudity-equals-serenity idea was borne out of the camping experience is as much as I’ll explain. And no, it wasn’t a nude camp.

Say, maybe in an alternate universe, a realm, you were a nudist. There’s that exhilarating feeling you get when the breeze braces some parts of the body that are never exposed. And what with the fun, the sun, the freedom! Enough said.

I stay unmoved on my idea.

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New Element

Be informed that a new element has been added to the Periodic Table.
Details follow below:


Element: WOMEN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 53.6 Kg (for isotopes, it may vary from 40-200 kg).
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas.


Physical Properties:
1. Boils at room temperature
2. Freezes without any reason (even at room temperature)
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Bitter, if incorrectly used
5. Sweet as honey, if handled property.


Chemical Properties:
1. Have great affinities for Gold, Silver and a range of precious stones and absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
2. May explode spontaneously without warning for no known reason.
3. Most powerful money-reducing agent to man.

Common Uses:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2. Can be great aid to relaxation


Tests:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy
2. Turns green when placed behind a better specimen.


Potential Hazard:
1. It is illegal to possess more than one WO
2. Several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come in direct contact with each other.


Warning:
Prolonged exposure to this element can cause severe finacnial hemorrhage and mental distress in men!

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Of Socialists and Keepers

I’ll start by defining the above mentioned. Well actually it’s not the actual definition, but as you’ll figure as you go on, just something that I think fits the context. 

Socialist is an economic concept (which reminds me that I need to do some study on it. Yes, I’m an economics student, but that’s besides the point) which  I’m not going to define. But In this post, it’ll mean the kind of people that are good at making acquaintances. They’re very social, outspoken, and outgoing. They, on the other hand, do not like intimate relationships. They prefer to have many friends but no that special person. They’ll make friends with strangers in an instant but all their friends are….well, mere acquaintances

Keepers (I have no idea where I got that word) are the kind of people that would rather have few but close friends. They appear standoffish but once you know them, they’re totally different. They don’t speak much in crowds.

So my roomie is a socialist, so to speak, and I’m a keeper (wow! That sounded vanity-filled, but no, I’m not that vain. You know what I mean). He speaks much, tells lies that I obviously know are so and yet he’s extremely entertaining. A social bee, he is. What with the number of girls he brings over! “This is my girlfriend”, he says to me with every Terry, Diana and Hellen. I think he does that in an effort to impress the poor fish girl. It always works. And then at that moment, I, without being told, go out for some time. Hours. To give them time to do the PUKUCHIKABAMA! If I don’t, he’ll signal it to me or send me a text message. Humph! I’ve been exiled quite a number of times, in just three weeks. Oh yeah, being ‘exiled’ is the whole act of giving your roomie some privacy.

My point is, we’re very different. Even in the kind of people that we like. *wink wink* And at this point, I forget what exactly I had in mind at the beginning. I swear I had a point. I'll just cook something up as I go on. Maybe, by some divine working, I'll remember. So, I think I can live with anyone. If I've lived with my current roomie so long and no hickups so far, I can damn well live with anyone. Doesn't take much anyway. Wait, something rushed through my mind, should I shed away the outward skin that he sees and reveal the real me? Should I let him into my life? Should I make him a friend? (albiet being my roomie, he's just an acquaintance.) Only time will tell. And if you have any answers to my query, you know where the comments section is. 

Till next time, Adios.

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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows; part 2

Well, this is turning out to be a wonderful weekend crowned by the release of the last sequel of the Harry Potter series, Deathly Hallows; part 2. One word for it, AWESOME! Here is it's preview, for those of you who haven't watched it yet:

To all the Harry Potter fanatics, y'all know this movie is the crown of all the others. This is the final installment after the chapters of the long narrative that started in 2001. It's been quite a journey. If you haven't watched this last one yet, I'd strongly suggest you do it in 3D. Get why I have a whole post dedicated to it. I'm really pulling myself back from giving you spoilers. I'll do my best to keep it that way. 

If you haven't watched any or some of the prequels, don't worry, you can still watch it and enjoy quite alright.

(The fanatics who haven't watched the last movie should not read past this)

Basically Harry, Hermione and the foolishly brave Ron go back to Hogwarts where the action takes place. Oh, the action, coupled by the 3D effect will just blow your mind away. Forget all the confusing blether about prophecies and talismans, the most impressive thing about this movie is that it's actually quite simple and anyone can watch it. Monsters rampage, masonry crashing down all over the place, some of Britain's best actors and actresses waggling their wands at each other and the occasional random chants by the fanatics in the cinema will just sweep you long. It's not just Hogwarts that gets smashed to pieces by the thunderous battle but the viewers' resistance too.

When the film came to it's brisk and restrained conclusion, I was more happy of having watched the magnificent final movie's premier than sad that there wasn't going to be another Harry Potter. We've always looked forward to another Harry Potter.

I'll die a happy man.

Till next time, Adios.

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Eureka!

So I was watching PAUL, again, for the umpteenth time, (it still never seizes to invoke some extraordinary excitement in me) and there it was! I actually noticed a movie mistake towards the ending! That I noticed it makes me feel.... what's the word I'm looking for? GREAT! Towards the end, before the awkward long take-off by Paul's species' mini spacecraft, Special Agent "Lorenzo" Zoil was shot on his left hand by that "big guy" woman. Yes, they actually refer to her as the big guy. And right after the take-off, when earthlings are sheepishly staring into the vast nothingness of the skies (well, there were stars. I just felt like using the word "nothingness". pardon my silliness, it's long since I used it) Agent Zoil's left arm was perfectly OK. There was no blood or bullet hole! I'm Awesome! Sorry, it's just what I'm feeling.

And here's a little something for your entertainment:

Movie Mistakes

You can thank me later. Till next time, Adios

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It’s been a week

I am not feeling the slightest bit inspired, despite the recent quite eventful occurrences, fruitful and otherwise. This week, and the one just past, has been one wholesome remarkable period.

It started with my reaching the limit on some tolerance concerning some personal stuff between me and gesty spider monkey (name changed for obvious reasons). See, the thing with me is that certain things seem minute, to me, and I hardly mind them. But a realization occurred to me that I actually do mind the small “unimportant” stuff; only not as they happen. I sweep them under the carpet. But one can only do that for so long before a disturbing ‘bump’ starts showing. Just like eggs, one can only hold a certain number in their palms and just one extra addition will result to an unwanted, almost expected, outcome… its falling. And an effort, futile to say the least, to save them will only lead to the breaking of all the others. Am I communicating? Are you getting what I’m saying? Haha, that reminds me of my G.H.C. teacher, lovable woman, that one. And laughable too, sorry to say. Anyway, I’m not known to communicate my oppressions. I pile them up until one last addition triggers the snapping. This is one thing I should change, I know. But it’s as hard as changing my not keeping in touch with supposed friends. I don’t do it on purpose.

Then came the road trip to the Abadare Ranges. Lovely time that was, what with the scenery, with lovely company. Actually we were just visiting my brother who happens to school in that remote area, but it was awesome, nonetheless. This was followed by a house party where I totally snapped at gesty spider monkey. Taking responsibility, later, and fixing it only resulted to a disturbance of the serenity and excitement of an anticipated event. Actually it was THE EVENT! I’m still apologetic to one whose truncated name matches not his interest. I think. Does it?

Gesty spider monkey and I went to watch X MEN one late evening. One can only imagine the excitement overflowing in me and the many “awesome”s that were urging to escape my mouth. The anticipation was just too much. Then I’m there waiting for the 3D glasses and the guy looks at me, pauses, then brusquely drawls saying the movie is in not in 3D.

Dismay!

Halfway through the movie, the lights go out.

I am not lying. Albeit shortly, say five minutes, the lights actually went out in the theatre in the middle of a movie. So we got a rewind. I’m almost positive this has never happened before. Told you, it was one exceptional week.

But wait, the crown is yet to be bestowed.

So I’m strutting walking in town to school. I’ve got my sexy swag on, my pride shooting and all. My esteem was so high, I swear I could fly. My happy-walk was cut short by these guys who just surrounded me from nowhere. Was I too engrossed in my happy time to notice them from afar? So the street is really crowded with human traffic, it’s that rush hour time. And these guys walk with me and start talking to me like we’re friends or something. Only it’s a pretend talk. One is already in my pocket and grabs hold of something. I instinctively grab hold of my phone and wallet, still not sure what’s happening.

I’m being mugged in the middle of a street with hundreds of passersby not noticing a thing! What?!

Talk of crime evolution! It’s blending in!

All these things are happening so fast, I’m still not quite registering what’s going on… much. So it hit me and I got scared. I all of a sudden notice the press on my back. It’s a gun. Dear mother. No, dear God. Help me. I got scared. And then puzzled. Yes, the guy on my left, a black guy, still struggling to get my phone, had a nose pointy enough to cut fabric. I swear.

So I had to think fast. I figured they wouldn’t get violent on such a busy street, so I shoved one of them and walked unexpectedly fast. Really fast. Almost sprinting. I crossed the road right after seeing them, ever so briefly, following me. I got into a ‘bata’ shop where I composed myself and shopped for sandals like nothing had happened. It’s also where I realized they had already taken some money. Nothing more though.

And after that whole week, I’m still not inspired to write anything. Oh wait, I’ve written something. That’ll do, for now.

Till next time, Adios.

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WHY?

Why? This is a question I’ve asked myself de novo. Why? And I was left thinking for a while, not knowing what I’m thinking about. But one consistent thought process was the disturbing craving for Amarula. I guess I just wasn’t ready to answer it, or rather think about it. I do that quite often. I pretend. I pretend it’s not important. Or maybe it’s postponing. I’m not sure what it is exactly that I do, but the wise would say it’s not wise. I’m sure. It works out for me though, well, so far. Anyway, back to the “why?”. Oops, I’ve just realized I haven’t given you the context. So the million dollar question is why I had started a blog.

Why? I thank….. (a sporadic but failing attempt for humor requiring the knowledge of a certain lame joke. I’m too lazy to tell it)... OK then, I meant to write “thought”. So I thought for a while and I came to the realization that the only reason I had started this blog was coz of the pushing I got from these two friends of mine, God bless them. Why? Why did they? Do they know me better than I do myself? Or did they just want to see how I’d do? Better yet, were they looking for some calibration to gauge themselves? Did they conspire? Why? Oh yes, sorry to say, but these thoughts actually crossed my mind. Then, everything changed, right after that one cig. I’m not campaigning for cigarette smoking. It’s funny how no single smoker will ever tell you to do it. I think that’s the magic behind it. Forbidden fruit. I tend to fall for such.  Anyway, I realized I had given in a lil bit too early, before actually finding a reason to. So I’m sitting there, feeling sorry for myself, and trying to answer that now-so-heavy query, “why?”, when BAM! Epiphany! A realization of one’s self!

It just hit me, right there in the face, like the way a (poor) bird hits the windscreen of a speeding bus. I EFFING LIKE CHALLENGES! I fall for them face first. If all was a challenge, I’d be so effing good at everything. Case in point: school (that’s primary and high school), we had numbers from the top achievers to the bottom ones. And it was a competition, not necessarily for good grades, but for that prestigious top position, number one! I need not point out the number I got, almost all through, lest I’m mistaken for a brag. I will just say that it’s a really small number, not a prime number, and requires little effort to write down. I’m thinking I wouldn’t prosper in something that’s not a challenge. You know, a competition. I like winning. Or trying to. I don’t like working for something in which I wouldn’t win. That’s a bad trait, I know. Say for example, if I opened a bank account for my savings, I wouldn’t save much. I’m inclined, matter-of-factly, to think I wouldn’t save at all. But if someone agrees to compete with me, based on how much one would save, I would so beat them, saving like my life depends on it.

So yeah, I accepted a challenge and it’s led me to ‘stumble upon’ some self-realization. I think the hope of stumbling upon such good fruits, the whole hope thing unknown to me before now, was what led me to take up the much challenges I have (taken up). I’ve done that a lot. 

A LOT!

So this is me preaching challenge acceptance. This is me telling a drowning man in a fast flowing river to not clutch at the useless grass blades but to let the current take them, to let themselves go with the flow (I sound so wise, right? Please say yes. Really? But I rhymed!). At some point it’ll take them to a floating log or a low-hanging life-saving branch of a tree. It happens in movies, it must have been inspired by frequently occurring real life experiences. Ok maybe not so frequent.

So should I have a theme (a “why?”), also read, a reason, for my blog? Some use it a diary, some post news, some post some gossip. What about me? I know. I will leave mine as a blank. Anything can be filled in. yeah. 

(I wrote this in exactly 33 minutes. I’m still craving Amarula. Haven’t had some in God knows how long. So well wishers out there, I can give you my shipping address.)

Till next time, Adios. You have anything to say, anything, you know where the comment section is.

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In The Beginning....

OK. So here goes… this is my first leap. You know that first step you take on your first trip to the ice rink? You know how excitedly nervous you get? How you feel? Like you just got a tiny shot of adrenaline? and you’re also asking yourself a thousand and one questions? Will I fall? When will I learn? Then at that moment you see guys humouredly swooshing and turning, and ghosting past the rookies at insane speeds and you ask yourself, will I ever get to do that? (I got carried away, I’m sorry) That’s precisely how I feel.  This is my first blog post. As I was recently telling a newly found, quite intelligent buddy of mine, reason why I hadn’t done this earlier, I don’t know. Another friend of mine, an entertaining blogger, and an ostentatious one for that matter, with a selectively saccharine personality concurs with Kuzco (I’ll tell you about Kuzco later), I should have done this earlier.

I dedicate this post to one Arthur and one Miamis (yes, that’s his real name. I know, right?). If it weren’t for their pushing, you wouldn’t be reading this. Much gratitude Art, I’m truthfully thankful. Kuzco thinks I’m being overly emotional  just thanking someone, so I’m done with it. And Miamis, (that name is too weird, so I’ll henceforth refer to you as Silas) thanks much for the encouragement.

About Kuzco? Already? That can wait. I’m not pleasing anyone anyway. Speaking of which, this is not one of those daily updated blogs, or some reliable fact source. No. This is just me speaking my mind out, regardless of the society’s accepted “truth”, of what you think, of the bloggers’ rules (are there any?). This is me practicing my freedom of speech. And I’ll update it as much or as little as I please. I’m really lazy, just so you know. This blog is not meant to hurt anyone’s feelings or sting one’s faith though. No one should take it too personal. Maybe just a tad bit. that would pamper the smug feeling I’ll be having when posting stuff.

 Till next time, adios. What? The ending is lame? Tell me what I should’ve concluded with in the comments section below. 

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